Death is an interesting thing to me. It's something most people fear. It's something that makes people sad. Something that can motivate people. Something that can devastate people.

Here is what it is to me. As happy as my life has been, can, or will be, a majority of life is spent trying to make those few moments that make us happy happen. Most people work. They struggle with their responsibilities at work, stress about deadlines, spend time fighting traffic to go to and from work, making a meager salary to support their families. I'm not one to keep up with statistics so here is my take on things. 90% of parents want to provide more for their children. Whether it is toys for young kids, the latest and greatest gadget for teens or money for education, or a dream wedding, etc. Everyone in the world wants something more that what they have, I think that is just human nature, and what drives everyone to continue putting up with working. Life is a constant struggle full of hardship and disappointment with sprinkles of those memorable moments. Throw death into the equation and what happens. That person is released.

If there is no life after death they will never feel anything again. Some may argue that they will never be happy again either or that they missed out on so much. My reply to them would be that they don't know what they missed out on, therefore they haven't really lost anything. If there is life after death as most religions teach, the majority of religions believe that there is some sort of happiness and tranquility for people once they hit the other side. Either way you look at it the person who has died is in a better situation so why mourn their death? Why not celebrate it?

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Its definitely Christmas time. Everyone out and about being cheery, shopping, wishing one another a happy holiday or Merry Christmas, etc. It all actually really bothers me. People shopping literally fighting over the best deals on items that they wouldn't normally be spending the money on. The fake smiles put on as they wish one another a "Merry Christmas" while in the back of their minds stressing over the expense, the hassle of dealing with the crowds, and the extra work of having to put up and take down decoration. Visiting family that they don't necessarily care for, putting on heirs that all is well, wishing for peace on earth but in the back of their minds thinking that they can't wait to leave and not have to deal with one another for another year. Then again maybe I'm seeing things wrong. Perhaps the smiles aren't fake. Perhaps the vast majority of the people participating believe that by being cheery for the last bit of the year makes up for all the insensitive, uncaring, or oblivious behavior that they display the rest of the year. You see the donation boxes all around this time of the year filling up, the people collecting for the needy and less fortunate. I hate to be the bearer of bad news to these "kind and caring" folks, but people are in need all year long.

You may have guessed by now that I don't care much for the holidays. I myself will not deny that one bit. The facades that most (I'll qualify myself by throwing in that some people may be genuine and that their holiday spirit may spread throughout the rest of the year) drive me mad. No one is perfect, granted I could do more throughout the year also, no doubt. The difference lies in the fact that I don't go around pretending to be especially happy and generous at Christmas time. I try to be the best person that I can be all year long.

I'm not all bah humbug about everything however, please do not mistake my ranting as such. I recently attended a holiday party at church (church is another issue about Christmas that drives me mad). I for one do not attend church regularly, but do enjoy the church gatherings (not services, but more the extra curricular gatherings). While at this party a patron of the church dressed up as Santa and allowed the kids to do their thing while getting a picture taken with him. I must say that the glow of excitement in the kids' eyes when they saw him was heart warming. I think that this is the only redeeming that that I have witnessed this holiday season thus far.

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Today hasn't been bad by any stretch of the imagination. However it is a down day. Just one of those days where you're in a blah mood. One of those days where you want something different; you want something more and yet you don't quite know what you want. Unfortunately I seem to have more of those days (at least in my mind) than most people. I'm curious what makes me different from most people. A chemical imbalance in my brain perhaps? A while back when the media was going on with the hayday over Charlie Sheen, they played a short checklist of symptoms of being bi-polar. Oddly enough, I believe I suffer (or enjoy) three out of four of the symptoms they listed. Can it be that the answer to my issues is that simple?

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