LDB
I was a senior in high school when I met her. It was towards the end of a rather lack luster year. Having only transferred to this school at the beginning of the previous year after moving to a new city, I was rather quiet and introverted. I was part of a group of friends tied together mostly by our religious backgrounds, but most of the other kids had grown up together and known each other for most of their lives. The life I had left behind at my previous home was quite different than the new one that I was forced into here. In the place that I had left, I and my group of friends were not necessarily trouble makers, but mischief makers who skirted the lines dipping down onto the wrong side of the law frequently. The new set of acquaintances afforded to me my by religious ties didn't (at least on the surface) fit into my usual genre of friends, so although being surrounded by people, I often felt out of place and alone.
Despite being a freshman Leah was only two years younger than I was. She was a pretty active person who was on the high school track and tennis teams. A social butterfly who never missed an opportunity to be the center of attention. One of her best friends at the time Meghan, was dating (or would soon be dating) my step brother, Jeff, who was also on the track team. She lived only a couple blocks away at the time, so her proximity and tie to my step brother via the track team and her friend had caused them to come over a few times to my house unbeknownst to me. She later at times regaled me stories of how she had been to my house, in my bedroom (which was shared with my step brother) and actually on my bed before she and I ever even met. Where I was while all of this was going on I could not say, as my social life outside of school was just shy of non-existent.
I don't remember exactly the day we met. Thinking about it now, I believe it was Meghan who came up to me and said that there was someone she wanted me to meet, as she directed me as to where to go. The conversation began as you'd expect any would given the situation. Myself, again feeling out of place and introverted, had rather low self esteem and was extremely quiet guided into the presence of a social butterfly. The stark contrasts of our personalities was a very good match though it turned out. Her always in the spotlight, while I was just behind out of the glow that seemed to follow her around. I was more than happy to let her have it.
We hit it off pretty well. I spent most days over at her house which was much nicer than mine. We'd go in her hot tub, or sit outside around a fire pit, or farther out back there was a tire swing attached to a large tree. I loved the fact that I didn't have to worry about carrying the conversation with her, it just flowed.
We officially started dating that November. I had graduated already and was working at a fast food place. More than eager to please her I'd cash my check every pay day and take her shopping. I loved taking her shopping. Watching her try on different outfits and come out modeling them for me. Once I remember slipping into the changing room with her, watching her remove her clothes in front of me I just sat there staring in awe at her, amazed that she had taken the time to get to know me, that she cared for me. I would do anything for this girl.
She had a large group or groups of friends. Some of her closest friends were ex boyfriends. I had met them, hung out with them, and liked them... for the most part. She and I didn't talk about them much, as I was still insecure and doing so would make me jealous. I do recall her telling me that two of them had beaten her, which always made me wonder why she would still talk to them, but the past I'd tell myself didn't matter. Perhaps outside of dating they were decent to her and she didn't worry about it, and if it didn't bother her I wouldn't let it bother me.
Months went by. It was getting closer to prom time. I had saved enough money that I was going to get us a limo, had bought the tickets and was really excited about it, as my last prom experience was rather unmemorable. It was a couple of weeks away and we were somewhere at one of her friends houses. Tommy, who was one of the ex-boyfriends that had beaten her, and I got into some sort of any argument, but it blew up in my face. It somehow moved from he and I, to she and I being the ones that were arguing and I broke up with her in the heat of the moment, and told her that prom was off before leaving. We talked shortly after, and I ended up agreeing to take her to prom after all, having spent the money already. We went to a nice dinner the two of us alone being chauffeured in the back of the limo. Next stop was prom. We arrived, briefly walked around the venue, took pictures, looked at each other and decided we'd much rather spend the rest of the evening being driven around in the back of the limo. We spent the rest of the night driving up and down the coast as we talked, reconciling. We agreed that the fight that we had was stupid and that we would get back together. That evening I found happiness again in her arms.
Time went by, lives change, schedules fill up. She was back in school and had gotten a job at a newly opened grocery store. Between work and school we didn't have as much time together as I was used to or wanted. She had made new friends at work, some of whom she also went to school with. One named kept popping up into our conversations. Matt. As much as my confidence, self worth, and ego had been boosted over the time that we had been together because of her, it was mostly tied to her. Matt along with the diminished time spent together put a chink in my armor. It was the night of the homecoming dance. She had agreed to call me when she got off of work, so I waited, and waited. And waited. I lost my mind that night, picturing her in Matt's arms at the dance. I drove to the school, and through the parking lot searching for her car. When I didn't find it I though she must be at his house. Angered at the situation as I left the parking lot, making a right turn onto the adjacent street to head towards his house I rolled the stop light not wanting to have to wait for an oncoming car. I flew up the street to the next corner and made another right. That's when I noticed the blue and red lights flashing in my mirror. My first ticket ever, in a vehicle that I did not have insurance on. A vehicle I was purchasing from Leah's parents. The encounter with the officer took long enough for me to get my head on straight. The realization that I had lost it over something of which I had no proof, that had driven me to madness to the point that I had gotten myself a ticket, was a fool's action and that I should probably go home and let the evening pass.
The next morning Leah and I met up at the mall. In shame I explained what had happened the previous night. Not knowing how tickets work or ownership/registration of vehicle work we got into another fight over the fact that my ticket was going to cause her parents insurance to go up. That fight, stupid as it was, was the end of us as a couple.
The following week was not a happy one for me. Friday night rolled around. One of my friends, Eddie, asked if I could give him a ride to the homecoming football game. I told him I could give him a ride there, but would not linger to give him a ride home as I didn't want to risk running into her. He pleaded his case citing that he wanted to get drunk and he didn't want to worry about finding a ride home in his inebriated state. I reluctantly agreed.
The night started off without incident. The opposing team happened to be a cross town rival so attendance on both sides of the field was high. I was content in the company of Eddie and his group of friends as time passed. From behind me came a familiar yet different voice. It was cold, hurtful. "I hope you die!" Leah hissed at me. I spun around taken aback at this, to find Leah surrounded by a group of people escorting her away from me. She was the only thing I could focus on, now realizing I couldn't have named one person out of the group that encircled her. Her back slouched under the weight of comforting arms on her shoulder and if she was the victim of some horrible incident. Shocked at what had transpired I found a storage container and punched it. Inflicting physical pain on myself has always been my way of coping with emotional pain, but never would I turn that outward toward someone else.
As I turned around I caught sight of Kristen, one of her close friends. I approached her and explained what had just happened, that I was dumbfounded by it, and asked if she had any insight as to where it came from. The words that came back at me made everything and more crystal clear. "I'd treat you the same way if you were beating me." she said. Nauseous, confused, hurt, angry I looked around wanting to confront Leah on these new founded allegations against me. I asked Kristen if she knew where Leah was. "No, but I need to find her, she if my ride home." was her reply.
Scanning the parking lot I spotted her car, not moving, but not in a parking spot. She had to be in it so I began finding my way out the gate towards the vehicle. Rounding my way through the gate I walked hastily when another familiar voice called out to me. Tommy. I had all but forgotten that he attended the rival school that was playing that night. He was surrounded by a group of his friends as he called out his warning. "Don't go near that car!" he called out from atop the hill just on the other side of the chain link fence. Heated and focused, I lifted my middle finger along with my arm high in the air in his direction. He was much larger than I was, and out weighed me by a good amount but I only had one objective.
I kept my march toward her car, when Matt approached me. "Leave her alone, don't go near her." he warned. More my size I paused long enough to look him in the eyes raise both of my arms to my sides and question, "What are you going to do?"
He took a step or two backwards and lifted his arms in defense, and allowed me to pass. I could see her sitting in the drivers seat facing forward as I approached the side of the vehicle which was facing towards the street ready to leave. I asked her to look at me and explain to me what was going on. Without a notion of acknowledgement the car began to move. I attempted to jump in front of it in hopes that would be motivation to stop, but I slide off of the hood, the only casualty being my feelings.
Head swirling around the events of the evening I headed out to my truck, positioned my self squarely in the back and unleashed my anger on the tailgate. The first blow on my right hand causing my knuckle to explode and splatter blood onto the metal. I didn't stop, alternating back and forth between fists. "Why don't you come over here and do that?" his voice came taunting me. Tommy and his group had followed me out to the parking lot now perched about 10 parking spaces down the row. Out numbered, out matched, and already injured from the flurry of punches I had doled out against the truck I stood there glowering at them. I could finally see that the group was not entirely male, but mostly. Two of the females in the group slowly started making their way cautiously towards me.
I soon recognized them. Amanda, a girl whom I had once shared and class with and gotten to know a little bit before I graduated, and Rachel a year younger than Leah, she was her next door neighbor when we first started dating. Both people I knew. We had a short conversation about what was going on. I pleaded to them both asking them to search their hearts and minds of what they knew about me knowing that they would be able to see the truth. A few moments later security guards were speaking with Tommy's group, I assume, telling them they needed to disburse and head back into the game before proceeding my way. Upon arrival I was questioned as to what was going on. I gave my explanation of the nights events. It would seem they caught side my me sliding off the hood of a car thinking that had been hit by it so they decided they'd better investigate. I clarified my role in the incident before they cautioned "For the sake of your safety, we cannot allow you back into the game. You need to leave. Now!" I reluctantly left, leaving Eddie who would hopefully have the wits about him to call me when the night was over for him.
I woke up in the morning. Knuckles bruised, bloody, and swollen to the point that I had no curvature to them at all. Where each finger met my hand instead of a nicely formed joint, it was perfectly flat, and purple. It wasn't long before I discovered that I couldn't, even to this day, straighten my pinkie finger.
A short time later maybe a week or two, I returned the truck I had to Leah's parents. Her mother looked at me questioning why I hadn't been around. To my surprise it seemed the fact that we had broken up had never been relayed to them, but with this revelation understood why I was giving the truck back to them.
Some months later, I was in my bedroom (still living with my father and step mother) playing a video game. The door to the room slowly pushed open and in walked Leah. My heart lurched, and a flood of emotions hit me all at once, anger not being one of them. She asked if we could talk. I obliged, as she sat down on my bed once again. Withing a couple minutes she stated she was hungry and that she had brought a pizza which was in the car and asked if we could talk out there. We sat in the front seat, she talked in between bites. I don't remember the conversation much, but it was evident that friendship was beginning to blossom again. I've never been one to hold grudges against someone.
Christmas time was coming around and we had agreed to exchange presents with each other. I had a work Christmas party to go to and the date I had for it cancelled on me, I invited Leah at the last minute. After the party I swung by my house, picked up the present that I had bought, a new boxed set of CD's of her favorite music artist of all time, and headed up to a place known as Skyline. Skyline was a cliff on the nearby hills that overlooked the city that we lived in. I gave her the package which she opened with enthusiasm. It of course was a hit. We sat there a while on the cliffs watching the lights in the city below twinkle while listening to the music I had just given her. She leaned over to me and started kissing me. I was still hurt by everything that transpired between us previously so I was very guarded. She could sense my tension in the matter and asked me if I was okay, adding "Isn't this what you want? No strings?"
I didn't know what I wanted. I couldn't know what I wanted. I remember saying "What if I don't want 'no strings'?"
We sat there for a short time in relative silence. Only the music playing quietly, and the sound of our breathing breaking it. Rolling everything through my head I decided, as I had many times before that I wanted to give her what she wanted. I wanted her to be happy. I rolled over on top of her and kissed her, hard, passionately. The windows on the truck beginning to steam up when she pulled back, questioning my change of attitude. I explained that I wanted her to be happy, and thought that this was what she wanted from me, in this particular place in that particular time.
She responded that she had changed her mind. Feeling led on, betrayed, once again bewildered by her actions, I got angry. Drove her home as fast as I could safely manage and asked her to get out of the vehicle. She opened the door and paused for a moment adding, "Wait here I need to get your present."
"Keep it." I snorted at her. Shocked by my tone she stubbornly insisted stating that if I didn't wait for her, she was not going to take my present. Already having the same albums in my own collection, and not being able to return them as they had been opened it figured it'd be a waste of money if I didn't spare an extra couple of minutes for her.
She came out the front door of her home, and handed me a shirt. I thanked her, and sped off tires squealing not slowing for the speed bumps spread throughout her housing tract.
That was the last time I heard from her or saw her. For a few years at least.