Within the last couple days I thought to myself, it has been more than three years since I've had any real contact with her, but I didn't lament over that fact.  It was almost as if I was okay with that.  I thought to myself "Perhaps I am actually moving on."

Last night hit me like I never could have expected.  Not just a dream, not just two dreams, but three separate dreams spanning the entire nights sleep about her.  The first mostly just focused on the two of us hanging out, not necessarily in a romantic way, but getting reacquainted with each other and getting caught up on the events of the past years.  The second I don't recall too much about unfortunately (or fortunately depending on how you choose to look at things).

The last, while it did revolve around her, I don't remember it focusing on her, but more her husband, and me attempting to convince him that I was no longer a threat or pursuing her in that manner while pleading for his approval to allow me back into her life on a friendship level as it had been prior to everything that transpired.  The part of the dream that stands out most, was he and I along with another (unknown to me) person had gone to a water park of some sort and were hanging out, presumably to allow him to gauge my level of sincerity on the matter.  The thing that struck me most about the excursion to this water park is that it wasn't sunny and hot.  While the temperature didn't seem to be a part of the dream, the sky was black and lit up by normal lamps as if it was 10 or 11 at night throughout the dream.  Not exactly water park weather.  Upon leaving the park his vehicle had been badly vandalized to the point of not being drivable. Circumstances what they were I was more than happy to offer him and the third person from the trio home hoping that it might further my cause with him.

Another scene from this third dream made me question my own sincerity for my cause with him found me alone, uninvited in his house (it did not seem as if she was also living there).  I was searching through the home for something that is unknown to me.  I remember pulling up an A/C or heater vent that was mounted in the floor of a room to reveal a rather interesting cache of weapons.  Interesting in the fact that while it was only a small number of handguns, they were unlike anything that I have ever seen as far as design goes.  I remember thinking that while this was not what it was that I was looking for, in the event that I did not find it, I would return and take the weapons for my own.  My search continued to no avail, but was interrupted when he unexpectedly returned home and walked through the door to find me holding his gun.  It would have been simple, and quick for me to pull the trigger, ending his life, leaving me free to pursue her to whatever end I saw fit and yet that was not the course of action that I chose to take.  Instead, I clumsily fumbled for words to come up with some sort of excuse or reason as to why I was in his home, rummaging through his possessions in order to have found his guns, and why I had removed the gun from it's setting in the first place.  

I don't recall anything else from the dream, but I woke this morning disappointed that it had all been a dream.  The whole experience left me...longing for contact with her in some capacity.