She is a dream and a curse to me.  I continue to dream about her, which I love in the moment, but upon waking and coming back to reality rehashes and opens up all the wounds that I forget were there.

I dreamt about her again last night.  I had joined a gym unknowing that she had a membership to the same gym.  We started talking.  There was tension between us but no hostility.  We could both feel the desire to apologize, but not necessarily the need to.  There was a strain hovering just over our heads stopping us from being who we wanted to be.  We talked about grabbing food sometime with each other.  I bit the bullet feeling the need to get past the tension and said "Why not tonight then?"  That seemed to be the acknowledgement that was needed to break the tension.  It was me admitting that I wanted to be with her. That all that had happened in the past was of no consequence to me, so long as there was a future.