For as long as I can remember, I wanted to have daughters.  My three sisters and I each have two boys, and with me being the youngest in my family everyone was looking at me to have a daughter.  That didn't happen, nor I think will it, but my desire has not diminished.

The reasoning behind this isn't entirely unclear.  Society has adopted this idea of special bonds between a mother and son, and a father and daughter.  That bond shows through in many places through life even.  Songs such as "Butterfly Kisses" by Bob Carlisle give the premise of what I'm attempting to relay.  The idea of having a daughter look up to me knowing that I'd be (not only being) the one man that would never hurt her.  Who would always protect her.  Who would always have the right answer.  Who would and could do anything for her.

My own wife ascribes to this notion.  She might not notice or see it herself, but there has been a couple times throughout our marriage where we would be discussing something and her first thought of action would be to call her father to ask him to help with or do something that I myself am completely capable of.

In TV shows it is often portrayed when a marriage is happening and there is the excitement of the father walking his daughter, his angel, down the isle.  

I once dated a girl whose father said that he never thought he could love anyone more than her mother, until the day she was born.

There are mother/son activities at my boys' school that my family participates in, and I'm sure there are father/daughter activities as well, but as I've no occasion to go I do not hear of them.

My sons never been "momma's boys".  Even as babies or toddlers I was the one that got up in the middle of the night, or that they came to when they had a bad dream so I guess in a way my wife doesn't get the same experiences, but I'm not sure that misses it the way I do.

Odd as it may sound, this is all brought upon by an advertising email I received a short time ago from Chili's restaurants.  I was driving home from work one evening when it came through, (yes I am guilty of texting/emailing while driving), the email was advertising a father/daughter deal at their establishment and it hit me, squarely, solidly, and hard.  Circumstances around which my sons were conceived have, in the past, been subject to suspect in that to some, the timing seemed to coincide with "rocky" points between she and I, and more than one person has voiced the opinion that they were in fact deliberate.  Not that I necessarily believe this notion, but have enough room to doubt I told my wife that if she got pregnant again, that I would leave her.  Not that this is compounding my dilemma of wanting a daughter, but getting back to that point I do really want a daughter.  I really, really do.  The dilemma is that I don't want one with my wife.  As much as I don't want to go through sleepless nights and changing diapers again, I honestly am more than willing to do so and I can picture it happening, with someone else.  I'm not saying that I'm going to, don't get me wrong. Only voicing what holds heavy on my heart.