Yesterday was my birthday.  Another year past, another new beginning of sorts.  Perhaps subconsciously that is what lead to the train of thought that I went down today.  I've always looked at the events of my life as what transformed and molded me into who and what I am today.  I'm happy with who I am, and what I've become, with very few regrets.  I like to believe that I can look at life and the events that happen to me objectively and that I don't have to let them affect who I am.  No way to know for sure, though I guess.

Today while driving I came across an interesting thought.  You hear people ask "if you could meet anyone who would it be?" Which is usually followed up with a question similar to "do they have to be alive or could they be dead?" or something to that effect.  Personally I've never really come up with an answer to that first question.  I don't believe that any single happening would or could really have any positive or negative long term affect on my life.  It might make me feel happy for a couple hours maybe I could come up with someone that talking to might motivate me for a couple days, maybe a week, but ultimately I am who I am and no one is really going to change me.  I had the thought, if parallel universes or timelines existed, I would want to meet myself, from a parallel timeline.  One where I didn't experience sexual abuse by a neighbor or stepfather.  I think it would be fascinating to see if those experiences have or have not had an adverse effect on my life.  If I hadn't lived through that would I still have the darkness and depression inside me lurking to take me down at any moment?  Would my sexual drive still be as active or powerful as it is or would it be more subdued and subtle.  Would I still seek for sexual release as a form of validation?  Would I struggle with the "addiction" that I feel that I have?  Would I be the same person that I am today.  Would I be stronger? Or did those experiences strengthen me?  Perhaps having a three way conversation between the two of me I have already described and a third me, one being the one who experienced it but spoke out and did something about it instead of repressing it.  I almost want to just sit and ponder what that conversation would be like, the endless possibilities and dialogues that would come from it, but at the same time knowing that would be an utter waste of time as such a situation could never actually occur.