I may have said this before, perhaps not, but either way I'm going to say it.  I love Twitter.  The randomness, the folly, the anonymity of it all.  It keeps me entertained, from the darkest depravity to the lightest inspirational tweet, it's all there, and while it is few and far between, I have met some pretty incredible people, some of whom I have had quite involved and deep conversations with.  One of which even took the time to read through some of the posts on this site.  Made me feel good knowing that someone has actually taken some time to read through portions of this.  I may happen more than I realize but if it does, I am unaware. 

A few days ago I came across someone's tweet which read "I wonder when the ache of wanting something you can never have ever goes away." The first response that came to my mind with which I replied was "As soon as you stop thinking about it.  Don't ask how to do that,  I haven't figured that part out yet."

I thought about it a little bit more and replied again.  "The real question is do you really want to stop thinking about it enough to make the ache stop?  For me, no."

My life has gotten much much more enjoyable over the past two years, and yet my heart and mind  ache for her still.  I still think about her often.  I choose to think about her often.  I have many of our text conversations saved and get lost reading through them for hours.  I have a small number of photos left from those conversations that still bring a smile to my face when I look at them.  I watch movies and listen to music that allows me to remember the happiness I felt with her in my life. Music that I couldn't bear to listen to shortly after our parting of ways now both bring a smile to my face along with ripping open and deepening the hole in my heart and yet sadistically leaves me feeling fulfilled.  A few months back I saw a movie with an actress the uncannily looks like her (at least to me) and I could barely stand to continue on watching it.  I have avoided the movie since, until tonight that is.  Ripping open my heart still, but well worth the pain to see "her" in motion.

Expressing these thoughts and feelings now brings me to think.  I no longer feel a need to cut myself as I have in times past.  She is my new release.  The pain I feel due to her memory gives me the release in my life.  Unconditionally, I love her and pray that she is happy in life.