The unknown isn't as scary as one might think.  I'll be surprised if I can make it through another year. 

Meeting her was the most amazing thing that could have happened in my life.  That progressing to the point that it did with her...unfathomable.  Never in my mind would I have ever imagined, or dreamt that I could imagine being that happy. 

Coping with losing her...is beyond my ability.  The short list of things that remind me of her:  Everything.  The long list:  Multiple songs, people I work with.  The city I work in.  The whistle on everyone's phone. Target, GoPro's, black Honda's, Kriby,  LA Fitness, Vegas, bananas, artichokes, coconut flour, Sprouts, the Paleo diet, douche bags that wear black socks. 1150.  Ray Donovan.  Need I continue?

My sons are the only thing that keep me from ending things now.  No because I want to be around them, or to watch them grow up, but because they are so attached to me.  I told my wife, time and time again once I had left, to move on, hoping that she may find someone that would be a better role model, a better example of what to be.  Someone with a drive to live, someone that wants to live.

Every day it gets harder and harder to ignore, harder to accept, harder to endure.  My patience is wearing thin.  My desire to do something is growing.